‘Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.’ Proverbs 3:5
As the days pass, I can feel myself closing in. I find my thoughts constantly drifting to what is to come, and have realized that I am completely unprepared for whatever it may be.
I have thought that it would be best to pray for the LORD to be merciful to little Noah, and take him, either now, or shortly after we meet him. And a large part of me still believes this. After seeing all the precious little babies in the NICU, part of me believes it even more, yet a part of me (naturally) wants my baby to live. I want him to be with us for a long time.
Most importantly, no matter how long we are blessed to have Noah with us, I pray that he will know just how precious he is, just how deeply he has been loved, just how much his little sister wants to see him, and just how many people have been praying for him.
It was not an easy thing to see the NICU, to see where Noah will be after he is born. Seeing all those babies, hooked up to so many monitors, so many tubes coming out of their tiny little bodies, was a little bit painful. To see what we can expect for Noah, and know that it is not what we have experienced with Danielle and Jordan, was difficult. Yet at the same time I think it is safe to say that we both felt a peace of mind: Noah will be well taken care of! Not only by the staff at St. Joe’s, but more importantly by our Heavenly Father. In the midst of all that has been going on, it’s been easy to lose sight of that, and to get caught up in the moment. There are times, when thinking about everything, that God seems so far away. It’s hard to comprehend exactly what is going on, and to find a purpose in it is even harder. Yet…God does have a plan. Jeremiah 29:11 tells us ’for I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, plans for welfare and not evil, to give you a future and a hope.’ We need to trust in this truth. Even if we do not know what the plan is, even if we never find out, we can rest assured that it is all in God’s control.
We were also shown the delivery room and told a little bit about what we can expect upon Noah’s delivery. It is not an easy thing to accept that I will not be able to see Noah right away. Of course, there will be much that needs to be done for him right after he is born, so this is understandable. My hearts desire is to hold my baby in my arms, and I fear that I will not be given the chance to do this for awhile. I pray that I will have the strength needed for each and every moment that is to come.
With everything that is going on, I have been made aware of just how valuable my family is to me. I have been so richly blessed with a wonderful, loving and godly husband, as well as two wonderful children. This makes it all the more frustrating when things do not go so well at home - arguments, silences, unproductiveness, the need to punish the kids. There are times when Danielle and Jordan seem to sense that things are not quite as they should be. Danielle sees when mommy is sad and is quick to offer a hug and a back rub to make it all go away. (If only it were as simple as a kiss to make things better!). Yet they have been testing the limits lately, and as a result, trying our patience (as kids do, I know).
It’s all so painful, and yet a part of life. It reminds me not to take each and every moment for granted, and to store up the precious moments like the treasures that they are. I pray that with all that is going on, my kids know just how much mommy loves them, and also that my husband knows that I love him with all my heart.
As the days pass, I can feel myself closing in. I find my thoughts constantly drifting to what is to come, and have realized that I am completely unprepared for whatever it may be.
I have thought that it would be best to pray for the LORD to be merciful to little Noah, and take him, either now, or shortly after we meet him. And a large part of me still believes this. After seeing all the precious little babies in the NICU, part of me believes it even more, yet a part of me (naturally) wants my baby to live. I want him to be with us for a long time.
Most importantly, no matter how long we are blessed to have Noah with us, I pray that he will know just how precious he is, just how deeply he has been loved, just how much his little sister wants to see him, and just how many people have been praying for him.
It was not an easy thing to see the NICU, to see where Noah will be after he is born. Seeing all those babies, hooked up to so many monitors, so many tubes coming out of their tiny little bodies, was a little bit painful. To see what we can expect for Noah, and know that it is not what we have experienced with Danielle and Jordan, was difficult. Yet at the same time I think it is safe to say that we both felt a peace of mind: Noah will be well taken care of! Not only by the staff at St. Joe’s, but more importantly by our Heavenly Father. In the midst of all that has been going on, it’s been easy to lose sight of that, and to get caught up in the moment. There are times, when thinking about everything, that God seems so far away. It’s hard to comprehend exactly what is going on, and to find a purpose in it is even harder. Yet…God does have a plan. Jeremiah 29:11 tells us ’for I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, plans for welfare and not evil, to give you a future and a hope.’ We need to trust in this truth. Even if we do not know what the plan is, even if we never find out, we can rest assured that it is all in God’s control.
We were also shown the delivery room and told a little bit about what we can expect upon Noah’s delivery. It is not an easy thing to accept that I will not be able to see Noah right away. Of course, there will be much that needs to be done for him right after he is born, so this is understandable. My hearts desire is to hold my baby in my arms, and I fear that I will not be given the chance to do this for awhile. I pray that I will have the strength needed for each and every moment that is to come.
With everything that is going on, I have been made aware of just how valuable my family is to me. I have been so richly blessed with a wonderful, loving and godly husband, as well as two wonderful children. This makes it all the more frustrating when things do not go so well at home - arguments, silences, unproductiveness, the need to punish the kids. There are times when Danielle and Jordan seem to sense that things are not quite as they should be. Danielle sees when mommy is sad and is quick to offer a hug and a back rub to make it all go away. (If only it were as simple as a kiss to make things better!). Yet they have been testing the limits lately, and as a result, trying our patience (as kids do, I know).
It’s all so painful, and yet a part of life. It reminds me not to take each and every moment for granted, and to store up the precious moments like the treasures that they are. I pray that with all that is going on, my kids know just how much mommy loves them, and also that my husband knows that I love him with all my heart.
Dear Rob and Anne,
ReplyDeleteWishing you much strength, comfort and peace, even though it's so hard to imagine being at peace when you experience so much uncertainty and heartache. Continue to trust in your Provider! He will carry you through whatever is to come. And He will give you the strength for each and every moment. May He also give you much joy! Praying for you all.
With love from Bob and Janine
"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!" Isaiah 49:15.
ReplyDeleteConsider how much you love Danielle, Jordan, and Noah, and see again how He loves you. He knows what lies ahead, and He is able to give each of you the strength that you need to go through it.
"Yet you brought me out of the womb; you made me trust in you even at my mother's breast. From birth I was cast on you; from my mother's womb you have been my God." Psalm 22:9,10
"My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:15, 16.
None of this is outside God's control. He knows exactly what is going on with Noah, even when the doctors can only guess. He knows what you need as parents, even when you can't put it into words. He holds you and Noah securely and he WILL NOT let you go.
"The Lord is faithful to all his promises, and loving toward all he has made. The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down." Psalm 145:13b, 14
With love, Will and Chris.