'Be still and know that I am God.' Psalm 46:10
This seems like such a simple command, doesn't it? We have a Father in Heaven who has created all things, and watches over all things, down to the little sparrow and the smallest blade of grass. Yet there are times when resting in our Father is so difficult to do.
The past month and a half has been filled with ups and downs as we went from appointment to appointment and awaited news about our child.
As most of you know by now, all is not well with our little one. (I will post the emails with the news to reinform you of the situation).
Humanly speaking, there is nothing that can be done for our baby right now. I go for bi-weekly ultrasounds and appointments to monitor the baby and make sure things are alright. The LORD has blessed us, and in the past month there has been no change. This doesn't always feel like a blessing, as we would like to hear that things are getting better, but that is not the case.
The baby's bladder continues to be large, and grow as the weeks go by. The doctor is concerned, as this is causing the lungs to be compressed and is hindering development.
Aside from receiving bi-weekly updates, we must wait until the baby is born to know what the outcome will be.
It is a difficult thing, this waiting game. Yet I have been comforted by a verse from Isaiah 41- "For I, the LORD you God, will hold your right hand, saying to you, 'Fear not, I will help you.'"
Our baby is a strong one, and I am constantly reminded of that as I feel him/her move and kick inside of me. Of course, this is a bittersweet feeling, as it is a constant reminder that all is not well. Yet it is also a reminder that the LORD is watching over us and continuing to keep our baby alive, giving us further reason to prasie Him.
There are, of course, days that are more difficult than others, yet we know that our Heavenly Father is watching over us and has a plan in all this. We may not understand what that plan is, but we rest in the assurance that this child is also a convenant child and regardless of what the outcome here may be, he/she belongs to Him.
Here are the emails we had sent out when this journey began.
December 8:
After our difficult news last week, we had a grueling day at St. Joe's hospital in London.
(Thankfully, we made the drive okay, both to and from the hospital!).
Early this morning we had an ultrasound, which was followed by an MRI this afternoon, and later still another ultrasound. In between exams, we had consultations with a team of doctors who have determined that all the organs are present in our baby for which we are thankful. However, they have found a large abdominal cyst (it covers the baby from chest to bottom of groin area). This was/is obstructing the view of all the organs and they are unsure of its origin.
Due to its size, the cyst does need to be emptied, as it is obstructing the other organs, and at this stage in development the lungs are being formed, which cannot properly take place because the cyst is in the way.
Since time is of the essence right now, and in order to get a second opinion, they are putting us on an urgent list at Mt. Sinai Hospital in Toronto. Here they will do another ultrasound and take some amniotic fluid to see what the cyst if filled with. They will also need to drain this cyst, and possibly insert a shunt in order to keep the cyst draining.
We are not sure when this will take place and what this will all entail, but we now have more answers than before and see God's hand in how fast things have happened and how our case is now in the right hands at St. Joe's. We have been assured that God is complete control here and He is the Master Surgeon and has our baby in His Fatherly Hands.
We are grateful for all your prayers and support and ask that you would continue to uphold us in your prayers as further testing is done.
December 16:
Another hospital visit has gone by, and we are thankful that we both made it to the appointment and home again, despite the crazy winter weather that we have been having over here.
Our appointment yesterday at Mt. Sinai gave us more answers than we had before, and for that we are truly grateful, despite them not being the answers that we had hoped for.
The cyst in the baby's abdomin was actually NOT a cyst at all. It turns out that it was the baby's bladder. Although this is something that is not completely uncommon, the doctor has never seen a bladder this large before - it was twice the size of our baby. (for an example, if it were on us, it would extend from the groin to a foot about our head). They did later on empty the bladder and they took out just over 500ml (half a litre) of fluid. The doctor is not completely sure what the cause of this is, although he is fairly certain that the urinary tract is not complete. This is something that after birth is apparently pretty easy to fix but there are more complications than this.
Due to the size of the bladder, there is likely extensive damage to the baby's kidneys. At this point, the extent is not certain, and we need to head back to Toronto for more appointments tomorrow (Friday).
The baby would likely need to be placed on dialysis and this is not ideal for a newborn and it is a brutal process with the chance of survival not being very high. They would need to do a kidney transplant, which cannot be done until a child is 2, and the chances that the baby would survive that far are not very good.
The doctor at this point does not hold out much hope for the survivial of our baby after birth.
Of course, this is a very difficult situation to grasp and understand. It really is beyond us,and as hard as that is to accept at this point, we need to find the comfort that only the LORD can provide us with. He does have a plan in this, whatever it may be, and He is beside us every step of the way (we just need to remember that).
I apologize that all the updates come vis email, but it's the fastest, and less emotionally draining way of letting everyone know.
Again, we will keep you posted as to how things go tomorrow. And we continue to ask that you would pray for us and our unborn child, as well as the 2 wonderful children that we have here at home.
December 18:
'O LORD, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it! Where shall i go from you Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.' Ps 139 : 1-10
Another full day of doctors appointments has come and gone, and with it more answers and yet also more sadness.
We were slightly uplifted upon hearing that the baby's kidneys are mildly damaged, which was better than we were expecting. Yet were also told that it is quite likely that the baby's lungs will not fully develop due to the conpression in the abdomin.
Despite being emptied, the bladder was again starting to enlarge. It was explained to us that a shunt would have little effect in our situation. For a shunt to help drain the bladder, the bladder needs to be contracting, to push the urine out. Since our baby's bladder balloons when full, it seems that it does not have the ability to contract. It also seems that the bowels are not developing as they should, and any bowels that it does have, will be unable to contract like they should either. This will cause large problems after birth, as the baby will not be able to properly digest foods or pass waste...which if course causes many other complications.
Despite these answers not being what we were hoping for, and being rather discouraging, we place our hope and trust in our Heavenly Father and rest assured that He is watching over us and this baby. Through trials and difficulties, by His grace we are drawn ever closer to Him. We are comforted with the knowledge that in His book are written, every one of them, the days that were formed for this child, when as yet there were none of them.
This seems like such a simple command, doesn't it? We have a Father in Heaven who has created all things, and watches over all things, down to the little sparrow and the smallest blade of grass. Yet there are times when resting in our Father is so difficult to do.
The past month and a half has been filled with ups and downs as we went from appointment to appointment and awaited news about our child.
As most of you know by now, all is not well with our little one. (I will post the emails with the news to reinform you of the situation).
Humanly speaking, there is nothing that can be done for our baby right now. I go for bi-weekly ultrasounds and appointments to monitor the baby and make sure things are alright. The LORD has blessed us, and in the past month there has been no change. This doesn't always feel like a blessing, as we would like to hear that things are getting better, but that is not the case.
The baby's bladder continues to be large, and grow as the weeks go by. The doctor is concerned, as this is causing the lungs to be compressed and is hindering development.
Aside from receiving bi-weekly updates, we must wait until the baby is born to know what the outcome will be.
It is a difficult thing, this waiting game. Yet I have been comforted by a verse from Isaiah 41- "For I, the LORD you God, will hold your right hand, saying to you, 'Fear not, I will help you.'"
Our baby is a strong one, and I am constantly reminded of that as I feel him/her move and kick inside of me. Of course, this is a bittersweet feeling, as it is a constant reminder that all is not well. Yet it is also a reminder that the LORD is watching over us and continuing to keep our baby alive, giving us further reason to prasie Him.
There are, of course, days that are more difficult than others, yet we know that our Heavenly Father is watching over us and has a plan in all this. We may not understand what that plan is, but we rest in the assurance that this child is also a convenant child and regardless of what the outcome here may be, he/she belongs to Him.
Here are the emails we had sent out when this journey began.
December 8:
After our difficult news last week, we had a grueling day at St. Joe's hospital in London.
(Thankfully, we made the drive okay, both to and from the hospital!).
Early this morning we had an ultrasound, which was followed by an MRI this afternoon, and later still another ultrasound. In between exams, we had consultations with a team of doctors who have determined that all the organs are present in our baby for which we are thankful. However, they have found a large abdominal cyst (it covers the baby from chest to bottom of groin area). This was/is obstructing the view of all the organs and they are unsure of its origin.
Due to its size, the cyst does need to be emptied, as it is obstructing the other organs, and at this stage in development the lungs are being formed, which cannot properly take place because the cyst is in the way.
Since time is of the essence right now, and in order to get a second opinion, they are putting us on an urgent list at Mt. Sinai Hospital in Toronto. Here they will do another ultrasound and take some amniotic fluid to see what the cyst if filled with. They will also need to drain this cyst, and possibly insert a shunt in order to keep the cyst draining.
We are not sure when this will take place and what this will all entail, but we now have more answers than before and see God's hand in how fast things have happened and how our case is now in the right hands at St. Joe's. We have been assured that God is complete control here and He is the Master Surgeon and has our baby in His Fatherly Hands.
We are grateful for all your prayers and support and ask that you would continue to uphold us in your prayers as further testing is done.
December 16:
Another hospital visit has gone by, and we are thankful that we both made it to the appointment and home again, despite the crazy winter weather that we have been having over here.
Our appointment yesterday at Mt. Sinai gave us more answers than we had before, and for that we are truly grateful, despite them not being the answers that we had hoped for.
The cyst in the baby's abdomin was actually NOT a cyst at all. It turns out that it was the baby's bladder. Although this is something that is not completely uncommon, the doctor has never seen a bladder this large before - it was twice the size of our baby. (for an example, if it were on us, it would extend from the groin to a foot about our head). They did later on empty the bladder and they took out just over 500ml (half a litre) of fluid. The doctor is not completely sure what the cause of this is, although he is fairly certain that the urinary tract is not complete. This is something that after birth is apparently pretty easy to fix but there are more complications than this.
Due to the size of the bladder, there is likely extensive damage to the baby's kidneys. At this point, the extent is not certain, and we need to head back to Toronto for more appointments tomorrow (Friday).
The baby would likely need to be placed on dialysis and this is not ideal for a newborn and it is a brutal process with the chance of survival not being very high. They would need to do a kidney transplant, which cannot be done until a child is 2, and the chances that the baby would survive that far are not very good.
The doctor at this point does not hold out much hope for the survivial of our baby after birth.
Of course, this is a very difficult situation to grasp and understand. It really is beyond us,and as hard as that is to accept at this point, we need to find the comfort that only the LORD can provide us with. He does have a plan in this, whatever it may be, and He is beside us every step of the way (we just need to remember that).
I apologize that all the updates come vis email, but it's the fastest, and less emotionally draining way of letting everyone know.
Again, we will keep you posted as to how things go tomorrow. And we continue to ask that you would pray for us and our unborn child, as well as the 2 wonderful children that we have here at home.
December 18:
'O LORD, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it! Where shall i go from you Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.' Ps 139 : 1-10
Another full day of doctors appointments has come and gone, and with it more answers and yet also more sadness.
We were slightly uplifted upon hearing that the baby's kidneys are mildly damaged, which was better than we were expecting. Yet were also told that it is quite likely that the baby's lungs will not fully develop due to the conpression in the abdomin.
Despite being emptied, the bladder was again starting to enlarge. It was explained to us that a shunt would have little effect in our situation. For a shunt to help drain the bladder, the bladder needs to be contracting, to push the urine out. Since our baby's bladder balloons when full, it seems that it does not have the ability to contract. It also seems that the bowels are not developing as they should, and any bowels that it does have, will be unable to contract like they should either. This will cause large problems after birth, as the baby will not be able to properly digest foods or pass waste...which if course causes many other complications.
Despite these answers not being what we were hoping for, and being rather discouraging, we place our hope and trust in our Heavenly Father and rest assured that He is watching over us and this baby. Through trials and difficulties, by His grace we are drawn ever closer to Him. We are comforted with the knowledge that in His book are written, every one of them, the days that were formed for this child, when as yet there were none of them.
We are remembering you in our prayers, asking God to give you both strength and patience, and praying that He continue to watch over your unborn child. He alone knows the plan for the lives of His children and what a comfort we have to know that He is in control.
ReplyDeleteWith Love, Andrew and Bernice
I don't know the right words, but I'm thinking of you and will pray for you. Love Marlies
ReplyDeleteWe remember you in our prayers. If you ever need an ear to listen, you know our phone number. Jim and Jackie
ReplyDelete